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10 things i learned in amsterdam

1. Never take automotive advice from a Norwegian who has never driven an automobile.

2. The Red Light District is, in fact, bordered by red lights.

3. Germans may love sauce, but they don't really care for turn signals on the Autobahn.

4. You never quite appreciate sinks free of toilet water until you've lived with a sink that fills with toilet water every time you flush.

5. When in doubt, join a Dutch auto club. It will save you money.

6. Somehow, when your car is broken down and the mechanic is futzing with the engine in the middle of the street, switching the alternator on and off at 12 second intervals makes everything better, at least until he takes apart the sub wuffer in the trunk and then starts playing with exposed wiring eight inches away from your head.

7. The Heineken Experience is not a brewery tour. It's Disneyland for drunks and for 10 €, you could do a lot worse, especially when you consider the three free beers and toy surprise they give you at the end. Remember, at the Heineken Experience, you are the beer bottle. The only down side is that you don't get to meet Surly Duff on the way out. (Heineken does in fact taste much better in the Netherlands.)

8. Laser light shows do not improve Rembrandt's "Night Watch." Please, somebody, send this memo to the Reijksmuseum.

9. Yeah, I know that kid over there is smoking a joint in the middle of the park on the bench next to the police man. It's really okay here. Get over it.

10. You may be able to get some weird stuff in Amsterdam, but you've got to go to Hungary for the Viagra flavored ice cream.
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